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Panos Cosmatos Owes The Entire World An Apology

beyond

Take a good long look at this trailer and absorb every last ounce of freshness it has to offer.

Unfortunately, that trailer provides more entertainment value than what is presented in the running time of this god awful attempt at film making. Beyond The Black Rainbow supposedly takes place in 1983, but if I know 1983 like I think I do, 1983 wouldn’t want a damn thing to do with this movie. Michael Rodgers plays therapist/scientist Barry Nyle. His depth of character consists of him strolling around looking like the corpse of Christian Bale while nearly coming to tears during every bit of dialogue he is given.  Barry is in charge of the Aboria institute and an telepathic teenage girl named Elana.

A lot of stupid shit happens. It appears that a modest sized group of assholes got together and said “I bet we could market a terrible version of Labyrinth to pay off our student loans.”  There are more scenes shot with a red filter than there ought to be. There are some scenes with a green filter, some with a blue filter, some white and black scenes, and some terrible, monotonous camera angles. There’s a soundtrack that sounds promising at first but quickly becomes repetitive, highlighted by a tune that could have been a part of the Drive soundtrack. When your movie’s only redeeming quality is the song that plays over the end credits, you done fucked up there boy.

I want what I was promised in the trailer, and what I got wasn’t even ten percent of that.

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